I Feel so Stupid
I feel so stupid! I had a 600 word draft on this topic and accidentally erased it. Was so happy when I finished two essays last night while working on a night’s shift, luckily the other one I was able to finalized, moved and published then I was going to start editing the second one by moving it on my wordpress file, I hit the wrong button and at this point I really don’t know how it happened. You see what I do is draft on a word processor so I could work on it offline or whenever out of wifi area. This helps me avoid temptation in browsing the internet, once I feel a draft is ready I control C from my wordprocessor and control V to wordpress post. I really must’ve hit something else cause I froze the mousepad when lately its been acting out weird uncontrollably shaking even if not in use. After consulting the internet, it says that because the mousepad is so sensitive any slight hand or finger movement activates it therefore the shaking of the cursor, aggravated by the size of my fingers dwarfing the buttons on the laptop. I am taking care of a patient who has parkinsons disease where an involuntary movement or tremors attacks a patient and, that is how my cursor looks.
Right now I am binge writing coping up from assignments as I was away for a week. Any time wasted not writing I feel not using my full potential and cheating myself of opportunity in honing my writing craft. Although I will never ran out of topics as I self-train there is nothing more encouraging than fulfilling a commitment I made with myself in the beginning of this writing 101. Yes, I don’t need somebody else to push me into doing this. Questions, doubts possibly hesitations are all around here with me, in fact, they sleep, eat and live with me, only if I allow them to get between me and writing. Believe me today I am the most motivated person (I’ve ever met) in the neighborhood of mediocrity. I wish to orally express this to anyone around me physically so they would be as happy as I am. How I want to tell them the internal joy and pleasure derived when one gets hold concretely of an abstract wish coming true. But equally aware of the dangers lurking within called resistance that reappears now and then or when someone like me embarks on a lifelong dream.
And I am unsure yet of where this experience is taking me, my writing, my future. I don’t know. I guess it’s not time to bother about that, today is what i have in my hands. If tomorrow determines today is stupidity, then I abide by the tenet, stupidity is a hairline difference with genius.