My friend isn’t open when it comes to personal affairs, unlike some of my other friends who could blabber their life history on the bus or subway after an hour of acquaintance. She joins in the laughter and jokes but never sharing about family details. After a divorce in her sixties, now in her second marriage and two grown up children I could sense that she went through trying times from her random stories and came out of it victoriously. One day sitting at the back of a car waiting for another friend, her words grab my attention,
“I am depressed” words that I never expected from someone who is mature and headstrong. Words that left me conscience stricken. Because a month ago she asked my help. And I ignored her.
In fairness to me, I wish she was earnest in her appeal considering she’s the one in need. Beggars should beg. The way I do when in need. I move heaven and earth so I could get what I want. I sacrifice my personal comfort, pride or ego when wanting something. And I expect people to be the same. If they’re not above my standards at least up to my level if they want to reach their goals.
Logically, I justified my actions. The request was made matter of fact and the sense of urgency was something I expected to hear. I didn’t receive any calls or notice or follow-up request from her. Deep inside I shrug my shoulders intentionally my selfish self wanted her to go through the same difficulties I went, I had the silver platter and had no desire to hand it over freely.
Behind the smiling face of this lady across me is a fake cheer, hoping it covers up the doldrums enveloping her soul. Yes, I did came up with my logical reasons and justication to console my guilty conscience, but, this time, I decided to do some restoration while I could.
To indemnify myself I gave my assurance to help her. Later that night, I found myself doing the exact things I told myself I am not doing for her. Using my paper, printer, ink and staying late at night I printed and filled up all the forms for her. The following day I walked to the post office twice when I missed it the first time, ended up paying stamps and drop the documents, activities I shouldn’t have done from the start.
At the end of the day, I actually hadn’t done any good deed or kindess. Her depression occurred partly due to my selfish motive. I lost the opportunity to do a good deed right from the start. And I tried to restore.
I wished I reacted nobly in the beginning. What if I never had the chance to undo what I’ve done? What if my time is up and I come face to face with creator, there’ll be no more justification.
<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/shape-up-or-ship-out/”>Shape Up or Ship Out</a>
http//:Solidarity Support Challenge