Each morning I wake up my hundred year old client, take her to the bathroom give her daily sponge bath. Everyday I scrub her back, arms, chest and legs and give her a change of clean clothes. Then I would take her to the dining table for her breakfast after which I’ll put her back to her room where she watches tv, read mails, make phone calls, or does her crafts while she is on her wheelchair. At dinner time I take her to the dining hall where she partakes dinner with her friends. Then at nighttime I help with pre-bed routine as she goes to sleep. This is a job I can do with my eyes closed. And it is embarrassing after all those decades hankering my future living in a corporate world, sitting on a chair facing a big office desk, a paper and pen on my hand instead I look at my gloved hand holding a washcloth.
I am also embarrassed by the way I look, my body is not perfect and so is my face with my imperfect makeup. I feel lazy, tired and hopeless. And not wanting to finish this prompt.
If I could only make myself smallest so nobody knows or sees me, hide or stay away as far as possible. If I could disappear and be invincible until all my embarrassment vanishes I will do it. I wish I could go back in time even if only for a few minutes, hours or days to undo and erase these embarrassing moments in my life.
But I know those things would never happen.
I know what I can do. I will redeem and justify myself by blaming everybody, the government, church and all institutions because they haven’t done their job satisfactorily. Yes, indeed the bureacracy is the most horrible system in this world.
Now I feel better. And, taking care of this hundred year old lady has just made me explore other options for my second career in life. I have all the time to write, blog, post and publish.
I think this post is just embarrassing.