What comes to my mind when I saw that word is a song by Tom Jones.. i know your tired of following my elusive dreams... Five decades ago back when radios were our only source of entertainment or news and mama turns it on as soon as she wakes up shuts it off when we’re in bed. That song reverberates in the neighborhood it was probably the most requested song.
Elusive was a foreign word to me but it sounded new and interesting for me back then. Performed and interpreted by a powerful voice it made me empathize even at a young age with someone who was unhappy and disconsolate. And yes, indeed it is because that song is about someone who is in a never ending search but never finding ones’ own dream.
A day before I talked to a high school classmate who incidentally is also living in another state. After catching up with what happened to each of us after forty years, I was caught in a surprise when she asked me if I am happy. My response wasn’t immediate and I said of course. When we both hang up I confronted myself why I couldn’t categorically answer that happiness question right away.
Looking back through all the years behind me, where and when I came from, how I got this far, I generally state I am happy. Who were with me yesterday and today, yes, I still would say I am happy. Yesterday my cousin and I had a grand day as we met for a hearty breakfast then a facial treatment followed by a massage concluded by a trip to a bookstore, reading books is a weakness we both share, not only that but because it was a thrift store I paid $1.40 for two books while she paid $2.90 for three books. Enough to tide me over for a month’s reading.
There’s no need to be rich to be happy, too. But why can’t I categorically say I am happy.
Probably I am thinking too deep. I am equating happiness with its synonyms. There are still a lot of things that I want to do and I am confronted by challenging situations. I would want to read more, write more and eventually publish a book. I would like to go back to public speaking and speak more. And maybe after that I would want to travel more and write more. Maybe these are elusive dreams they’re talking about. It is not a kind of loneliness but just dreams that give me the drive to not stop seeking.