It is 9:14 am as I begin to write this post only to realize that I’m here an hour ago reading blogs. How long it takes until hitting publish, it depends on; a) on the flow of thoughts or ideas that gets better as the clock ticks; b) when I hear my name from my patient who eventually grabs all the remaining time of this day; c) if #a) comes, I go on editing or re-editing a post eating up all my time until #b) calls which is inevitable; c) if #a) don’t, I have a tendency to browse the internet, facebook which is inevitable, too; d) I might decide to continue this post tonight, if I could and, e) this might end in my hundreds of drafts, where a mere 1% is promoted to the next stage of publish.
On this second paragraph, something stirs within me, excitement perhaps at 154 words I am gradually developing this post, a) and I haven’t edited any sentences previous to this, b) and I don’t think I’ll get any call in the next 2 hours from the patient, and c) I will get the chance to publish this post without browsing or going back to facebook, d) this excitement will nourish me throughout the day e) I will face the day with joy and pride.
I still am not bent on editing any of the previous statements written. Not focusing too much on time ticking now, instead just being one with my mind on thoughts flowing is a sustaining process. How I waste time in the past is not worth pondering as regretting and blaming is not worth as it is.
Two hundred seventy nine words as I commence this fourth paragraph, excitement still the order of the hour, yet with a sense of calm, compose and confidence. I check thesaurus for some descriptive adjective to replace what is written. But in the end decided to stay put.
Each word I write is holding on to time, an expertise I realize is where I direct myself to the point of not able to write anything, because a) waiting for ideas flowing; b) waiting to get called; c) depends on #a); d) depends on #b).
It is 10:00 as I end this post.